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𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

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❀ 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

despite everything that happen to us, despite all those rollercoaster ride of emotion we shared together and despite all those fights and tears we shared together as one, i'm so thankful to have you by my side since day one.
you're the best thing that ever happened to me since day one and i'm so thankful to have you as my boyfriend.

❀ 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝.

this contains many cheesy words and many things that we already shared together, this website also contains my letters for you which I already made since idk when but I hope you're going to love this!

𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀.

𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑤𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒, 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑑𝑎𝑦.

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𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭.

𝙄 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙖 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙟𝙤𝙮 𝙞𝙩, 𝙝𝙤𝙣.

𝗠𝗮𝘆, 𝟭𝟱𝘁𝗵 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟵.

𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒐𝒃,

hello there, boyfriend. welcome to your letter in my very special special gift for this month anniversary, baby.

maybe this letter will be soo cheesy for you but I hope I could light up your smile when you saw this website and also this letter from me.

so, welcome to your letter honey.
maybe i've said this a lot and almost hundred times but I really want you to remember that you're matters and loved especially by this 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥, '𝐠𝐚𝐤 𝐩𝐞𝐤𝐚' 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 aka 𝓂𝑒.

I want you to remember that you're not weird by loving me that much and craving for my attention everyday, every minutes, every second and everytime i'm not around. Because, let me be honest here.. for the first time I feel like that i'm matters and my presence means a lot to someone. finally someone wants me, my existence and my attention as much as I want them in my life.

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒚𝒐𝒖,
for showing me almost everyday about how much you love me and how much I mean to you in your life. Thankyou for show me your "real" self when I never thought you'll trust me that much. Thankyou so much for make me think that finally, finally, I have a place to come home everyday.

which is 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒔.

𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲.

that's what you showers to me everyday

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍:

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.

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𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔.
𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝.
that's what I feel whenever I think about this relationship.

I feel like I want to talk about how weird we are when we are in love like right now.
This sounds weird, actually.
To witness by myself how bucin you are towards your girlfriend and I feel it by myself, at the first time I feel like.. dream. This is not weird, but feels like a dream.

Let’s look back to our relationship backthen, how you saw me as your little sister, how you saw me as your bestfriend and someone you trust the most and I never think that you have a chance to saw me more than that, even for a bit.

I remember how boldly i am to send you that fuckin’ NIKI's song titled ‘I Like U’ and also Afgan’s ‘Heaven’ to make you realized how much this girl appreciate your existence and she want you to know that she loves you more than anything and she maybe wants you more than just a bestfriend, she wants you for herself.

And then here we are, here we are right now, standing next to each other, lay to each other arms and feel like home in each other arms.
Just like what I said in my previous letter, I want to have a relationship who feels like home and finally I found you—my home and now i’m home.

𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.

𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝘩𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦.

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏?

does that words even exist?

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“𝙃𝙚’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩. 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣’𝙩 𝙚𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙩𝙬𝙞𝙘𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙙𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨, 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣. 𝙃𝙚 𝙞𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙦𝙪𝙤𝙩𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙮, 𝙝𝙚’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠. 𝘿𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢, 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙢, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚. 𝘿𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙮𝙯𝙚. 𝙎𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙮, 𝙮𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙖𝙙, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙚’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚. 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙙. 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙜𝙪𝙮𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙚𝙭𝙞𝙨𝙩, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙜𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪.”

I ever saw some quotes like that and I guess the writer who said that quotes are right.
Maybe after all these times I was expecting some perfect guy to come, someone who’ll love me endlessly and expect this and that in my life and also in my previous relationship, and when I met you.. i feel 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙙.

𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬,
Well, that’s what I am from the beggining when I decided to say yes to you. Since the day we start this relationship.
How can? Yes, i want you to know that i’m speechless. With the way you love me and show me how much you want me in your life and how much you appreciate everything we have, until today.

You understand me more than I, myself, understand my ownself. You understand me more than anyone else out there who knows me better. You got me naked infront of you, Jacob.

𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒔.

𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭?

𝑤𝑒'𝑟𝑒 𝘩𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙

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𝙛𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩?
We do that too, the things people called as imperfections when you have a relationship. The hardship and also the tears? We also experienced that too.

We’re not perfect, we’re human too.
Sometimes that what we feel, we want something from our partners and that happened to us as well, we also fight and throw an arguments to each other as well, back at the first words again—𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭.

But the only things that gotten into our mind, as long as we can think straight and we tried to understand each other feelings and we’ll be fine. Fights in couple relationship is normal, I always thought that the problem between us is nothing because someone ever said that the problem means two people against the problem, not two people versus each other, that’s not healthy because in the end... I always experienced this, when I fight with my ex sometimes we always lead to another broken heart, to another lies and another break up, that’s the only thing I didn’t want to experienced when i’m with you.

We always have something inside our head, sometimes we’re bad at communication and expressing what inside our head and sometimes when we feel like we’re enough.. we’ll have a huge fight, yes huge. And that’s why i’m glad we always have that one thing called honest hour.

𝒃𝒖𝒕,
You have to manage to get through my outbreak yet you didn't leave me drowning. You have thought me valuable life lessons and i'm so blessed to not have to learn about the hardest way (you had passed difficult yet hardest time since you're together with me since the beginning, from the PDKT thingy until now, you still suffered a lot sometimes because of myself and my egoistic side and sometimes it made me cry like a baby because how loyal you are to me). Even when heartbreaks took over the rainbow, you had very strong answer of continuing the bond with me thus you're worth i'm suffering for. You might be a pain in the ass but you're also the strength within me. Thankyou for always been there for me and always fight to keep this relationship together with me. I love you and i didn't even find a good yet beautiful words to describe how much i love you and how much i'm super glad to have you until today.

𝟗 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉? 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞.

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You make me feel like love is small in a lighthearted way.

Small enough to fit into your back pocket for a rainy day, small enough to fit into your palms– when I run out of ways to smile, I press my thoughts into your joints and ask for you to reach our sadness that keeps us awake. You make me feel like love is small, but small isn’t a bad thing. It just means that it’s just right, the right amount of superglue for my tiny heart. I guess it’s all about perception, the earth is small if we’re in another galaxy. You make this place inside of my heart full, as empty as it is, you fit every poem into my fingertips. light doesn’t warm my fingers without your words creating an infinite smile to cushion my thoughts. we’ve been blowing through windows without answering every door, and yet you still shine through each surface like we’re just walking towards a sunset that only we know about, a diary that writes when you take my hands and fold them towards your heart. There has never been an end, just a constant reflection of everything I can be. Sadness may take turns wiping promises from our lips, but whatever sunshine I have left inside of me is because of your love– it’s not easy to find love, but I found it in you. Some days are harder than others, but with this simple method, I am composed. Like the hands of Chopin, you play lightness back into my life. Some days I can hear my thoughts breathe life into dead situations, but ghosts are ghosts. A ghost pointing at a dead body is still a dead thing, let’s move far from this place. No matter where we go, no matter how much we age– no matter how often we break, no matter how much time flies, as long as I’ve got you– I have everything, I am everything. This is the silence between poetry and prose, I don’t know how to love without the thorns until I met you.

I love you everyday,
Not forever because i can feel it’s a lie from ‘forever’ thingy, instead telling you about forever, i choose to love you everyday and more than yesterday.

𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙜𝙖𝙡, 𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙗.
𝙞 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙤𝙤𝙤𝙩𝙨.